Cheers and Jeers: Monday

Cheers and Jeers for Monday, January 25, 2021

Observe: Cannot get the cap off the maple syrup bottle?  Do this: set your home on fireplace after which twist gently.  The warmth will heat the sticky syrup caught between the aluminum cap and the glass grooves and permit it to be gently loosened along with your fingertips. Or attempt pliers or different wrench-like implement.  —Hugs, Heloise

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By the Numbers:

Days ’til World, Nationwide, State and Native Carrot Cake Day: 9

Quantity by which Joe Biden and Kamala Harris’s swearing-in beat their instant predecessors’ viewership among the many six main TV networks final Wednesday, in line with the Nielsen scores: 1.5 million individuals

Drop in Fox Information’s scores throughout inauguration day 2021 versus 2017: 77%

Estimated quantity spent on the 2020 campaigns for the Home, Senate, and White Home: $14 billion

% of U.S. employees over 55 who plan to delay their retirement due to the pandemic, in line with Harper’s Index: 13%

% likelihood that the Biden administration renewed the White Home subscriptions to The New York Occasions and The Washington Publish after the earlier administration dropped them as a result of the papers harm their fee-fees: 100%

Age at which baseball legend Hank Aaron and broadcasting legend Larry King died: 86, 87

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Pet Pic of the Day: They’re here…

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CHEERS to transferring day. Continuing by way of halls that earlier this month have been crammed with spear-wielding insurrectionists (lengthy story) and their mothers (longer story), the Home of Representatives will march a single article of impeachment—”Silly Traitor Butthead Incited An Rebellion”—in opposition to Joe Biden’s predecessor into the esteemed higher chamber atop a Roman defend carried by a half dozen off-duty WWE titans, whereupon the Senate will start preparations for the beginning of his second trial in 4 years. The purpose this time is to formally deem him ineligible to hunt public workplace sooner or later, having allegedly coordinated and paid for a coup on the Capitol after his attempt to subvert the Justice Department fell by way of. And in a candy twist, AP experiences that his own cult could do him in: 

The phrases of Donald Trump supporters who’re accused of collaborating within the lethal U.S. Capitol riot might find yourself getting used in opposition to him in his Senate impeachment trial as he faces the cost of inciting a violent rebel.

At the very least 5 supporters going through federal costs have recommended they have been taking orders from the then-president once they marched on Capitol Hill on Jan. 6 to problem the certification of Joe Biden’s election win. However now these feedback, captured in interviews with reporters and federal brokers, are more likely to take heart stage as Democrats lay out their case.

The trial begins February 9^th. The Home’s case will be handled by 9 representatives, together with Jamie Raskin (D-MD) and Joaquin Castro (D-TX). Republicans, in the meantime, are assembling their crew. To date it contains Grumpy, Dopey, Shouty, Wheezy, Creepy, Spiteful and Rudy Giuliani in a Perry Mason masks.

JEERS to the continued pandemic. Let’s get one factor straight. With regards to coping with the covid disaster, the Biden administration isn’t “ranging from scratch” just like the media have reported. No—it is ranging from “jack shit.” Worldwide there at the moment are over 99 million instances—1 / 4 of them within the U.S., which final week marked the one-year anniversary of the primary reported case right here. Listed below are this week’s numbers for the C&J historic file—our first verify since Joe Biden grabbed the disaster by the reins and let science and customary sense take over—courtesy of the most depressing tote board in the world, as our demise toll now exceeds the inhabitants of America’s Forty sixth-largest metropolis Minneapolis, Minnesota:

6 months in the past: 4.3 million confirmed instances. 150,000 deaths.

3 months in the past: 9 million confirmed instances. 230,000 deaths

1 month in the past: 20 million confirmed instances. 340,000 deaths

This morning: 26 million confirmed instances. 427,000 deaths

As President Biden has identified, issues are going to worsen for awhile earlier than they get higher, given how a lot sciencing we’ve in entrance of us. Final week he got the ball rolling by signing a slew of govt actions that may include and destroy covid, together with quicker testing and vaccinations, enhancing coordination with state and native officers, and making certain that minorities aren’t left behind. “Nicely, a lot for his unity pledge,” stated a visibly indignant spokesvirus.

CHEERS to nice moments in traction.  122 years in the past this week, Humphrey O’Sullivan patented the rubber heel.  That’s good, however we’re a fan of the steel-tipped toe (and the uncovered Republican shin).

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BRIEF SANITY BREAK

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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK

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CHEERS to powering up, good and clean-like. Gotta give a shout-out to the 26 states that defied the fossil-fuel fantasies of the earlier administration by, amongst different issues, adhering to the requirements of the Paris Local weather Accord after Whatsizface unceremoniously withdrew from it. Happily, the inexperienced power revolution is just about a juggernaut by now, and the Biden administration intends to actually put much more wind in its sails, utilizing classes discovered on the state degree. The Center for American Progress has a nice overview, together with Joe’s local weather crew:

Probably the most thrilling issues about this slate of “local weather Cupboard” nominees is the expertise and success instate-level local weather management it should carry to the federal authorities. In any case, for the previous half-decade and longer, states have been laying a roadmap for daring, nationwide local weather motion. Many of those nominees have served in or on the prime of state authorities, together with in Michigan, North Carolina, and New York. Others hail from states which have lately made nice strides in clear power akin to New Mexico. All of them can now put classes from their states’ management to work towards advancing federal coverage and supporting formidable local weather motion in any respect ranges of presidency. 

The local weather plan contains commitments to new sectoral requirements and techniques for agriculture, buildings, electrical energy, business and transportation—together with 100% carbon-free electrical energy by the 12 months 2035—to steer in reaching net-zero greenhouse gasoline air pollution all through the U.S. financial system by midcentury; requires $2 trillion in investments in clear power and sustainable infrastructure and for a minimum of 40 % of these investments to profit deprived communities; and attracts inspiration from a local weather motion that has more and more coalesced round a “requirements, investments and justice” framework to confront the local weather problem on this new decade.

The local weather plan additionally has thrilling implications for the well being care sector. You might not have observed, however the second Joe Biden was sworn in, the speed of most cancers from windmill noise immediately dropped to zero. I’m drawing up the Nobel Prize papers now.

CHEERS to nimble fingers vs. fumble fingers.  In case you missed the NFL motion yesterday, this is what occurred: Kansas Metropolis beat Buffalo 38-24, and the Buccaneers despatched the Packers packing 31 to 26. (Don’t really feel unhealthy for the losers—they’re going residence with a superb runner-up prize package deal that features a Samsonite baggage set and $100 reward certificates from the Spiegel Catalog.)  So it’s going to be Mahomes vs. Brady (Him once more???) on February 7 throughout Tremendous Bowl XVVVVVVVVIIIII. And in different sports activities information, the winners over the weekend within the Nationwide Hockey League have been, as traditional, the gamers’ dentists.

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Ten years in the past in C&J: January 25, 2011

JEERS to the “Good evening and good luck” heard ‘around the world.  Walter Cronkite…M*A*S*H…Invoice Moyers…Misplaced…Oprah…Larry King…Cheers…hell, even Regis Philbin.  All of those iconic TV titans gave us loads of time to regulate to their looming absence from the small display screen.  No such luck Friday evening when, 50 minutes into his present, Keith Olbermann went right into a business break by asserting, so matter-of-factly as to make viewers momentarily assume he was kidding: “This would be the final version of Countdown.” So what’s subsequent for Olbermann?  Who is aware of?  Hypothesis has him co-founding a cable sports activities community, making a Huffington Publish-like site, opening a shoe retailer, operating for workplace, or taking his large pile of settlement money and residing out his days at a villa within the south of France.  If the latter, I name dibs on cabana boy duties.  (I’ve my very own daiquiri blender—It is a Northrup Grumman 5000).

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And only one extra…

CHEERS to the knowledge of jbou. The Kossack—certainly one of a number of who departed throughout that terrible purge of beloved people in 2016—is gone but not forgotten.  C&J promised to revisit his sharp George-Carlin-meets-Stephen-Wright zingers sometimes as a result of, nicely, they are going to by no means stop to crack me up.  And whaddya know, at the moment is a kind of days. Here is what was on his thoughts again in January of 2012 and 2013…

» As a child, I would get consideration by saying inappropriate issues and making fart noises. As an grownup, I am taller.

» The unhappy factor about Child New 12 months is realizing he dies on his first birthday.

» Perhaps we ought to be focusing much less on Goldilocks and extra on why Mama and Papa bear do not sleep in the identical mattress anymore.

» Love is just like the Drive: it surrounds us, binds us, and other people can use it to chop off your legs and arms and toss you into lava.

» In an effort to confuse the bigots, everybody will now please trade stereotypes with the ethnicity to your instant left. Thanks.

» This “decide individuals by the content material of their character” factor is just not working to my benefit.

» Autocorrect makes me really feel like I am buddies with a nosy, incompetent know-it-all.

» Time heals all wounds. Except you suffered a horrible disfigurement working in a clock manufacturing unit. Then it is only a grim reminder.

» I ordered a plunger and a snare drum on Amazon so subsequent time you order one and it recommends the opposite, that is me.

» It appears the group of people who find themselves simply offended and the group of people who find themselves simply confused are usually the identical group.

How good to know that our dearly-departed members of the Each day Kos neighborhood—from Exmearden to Triciawyse to Patriot Each day New Clearinghouse to jbou, and all the remaining—can lastly, as of final Wednesday, cease spinning of their graves and relaxation in peace once more. Simply in case we find yourself with one other Republican president after I’m gone, the #1 merchandise on my checklist of final needs is: embalm me with Dramamine.

Have a tolerable Monday. Ground’s open…What are you cheering and jeering about at the moment?

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At this time’s Shameless C&J Testimonial

“I’ve been wanting to return in Cheers and Jeers for months and months. Let’s name it what it’s. I received blocked as a result of they didn’t like the best way you splash.”

—Dr. Anthony Fauci

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